Have you ever been to an amusement park and  played Whack-A-Mole ?

You grab a big mallet, then put your tokens in and these “moles” start bobbing up and down in these holes in random order. Your objective it to whack him while he rears his head out of the hole before he can retreat. You must be quick and look at all the holes at once whacking rapidly in order to get the most points.

With that said, do you realize that your reactions to most situations is a product of all your previous experiences? Thus created by the “old voices” in your head? One of the best exercises you can do to change your life and enjoy your life more, is to “Whack” those old negative voices. Yes! Really!!! … Visualize the mallet whacking away at the old voices..

Then.. enter the “New Voices” –TaDaaa!! , the ones that tell you you are worthy. The ones that tell you it’s okay to make a mistake – as long as you learn something from it. The ones that tells you God Loves You.

Don’t get me wrong. This exercise does NOT come easy. First, you have to become aware that you are actually listening to “old voices”… Voices that belong to a parent, a sibling, a boss, a co-worker; from a former relationship;  or from someone you’d like to choose not to listen to anymore.
Next you “Whack that Voice”….

Then you replace it with a conscience thought of worthiness. It helps to write down statements of worthiness – positive affirmations – so you are best prepared to face the voices. And most importantly, you must PRACTICE.  I once heard a renown psychologist proclaim, “practice does not make perfect, practice makes permanent!” This statement has resonated with me for some 15 years since I heard it. First of all, no one is perfect . We can only strive for it, as it will never be reached. Secondly, the only way to subdue the voices is to PRACTICE.

So start whacking!!

Have you ever felt awkward entering a room of people whom you don’t really know?

There might be a person or two there that you know, but for the moment you don’t see them. Or let’s say perhaps you DO see them. With a feeling of relief you approach their little circle. As you arrive, she (he) might give you a smile…. What?!..That’s it?! No introductions?! No acknowledgement that someone has joined the group?! Are you kidding me?!?

I’m sorry… but grown-ups should just know better. However, most don’t. I can’t tell you how many times in my 30 something years as an adult I have found myself in this very situation.  A prominent business coach once said, “the one with the healthiest self esteem initiates.” wow! Did this ever change my life! This is one of those “NewVoices” that you will be practicing to make permanent!

Imagine this… You walk into a party, business meeting, work-mingle, etc. You approach a group with maybe one person you know or a few slightly familiar faces. Give them a second or two. If no one else initiates an introduction, a hello, a  question — then your “New Voice” will say,”wow! I’m the most emotionally mature, healthiest person here! I’ll be the first to speak! “….Then go for it! Extend your hand, introduce yourself, then add, “I believe we met once before at such and such…” Or maybe you don’t know anyone at all. Introduce yourself and ask how they know the hostess (the bride, etc.); how they came to be a member of this organization, etc. The point is to make a game of it. By telling yourself that you’ve got it together better than anyone else in the room gives you the courage to jump right in.

And for you “young people” of all ages — I mean, who needs liquid courage to make conversation? You could be making a new friend or meeting Mister Right, and you didn’t waste the whole evening gathering courage!

“That’s just the way I am….”

Have you known anyone who says, “That’s just the way I am ” when it comes to being late? Or when it comes to not communicating? Or when it comes to walking away from an argument? You get the point.

Well, unfortunately we’ve all met way too many people like that. Or perhaps we ourselves have made those same kinds of excuses. In actuality, these behaviors are not “birth defects”, but actual CHOICES we CHOOSE to make; choices our parents allowed us to get away with; choices we continue to make because we rarely suffered consequences when we were younger . But now that we are adults and more is expected of us, we tend to make excuses for these behaviors as if we have no ability to change.

But we DO have the ability to change. Here comes that Practice thing again. First, practice listening to yourself next time you make the lame excuse of “that’s just who I am”, and you’ll hear how silly and immature you sound. Then ask yourself, what different choices can I make to improve this behavior?
– A good example is to stop expecting a 30 minute drive to take 20, and leave earlier… (I bet you’re guilty; I know I am)

Ahh.. Expectations.. Now that’s a whole new topic… Tune in next week for some more “gems” about reducing stress. I promise it will be life changing.